Use Active Voice, Not
Passive
Today's Snack: Let's make Bagel
Faces! Gather together a bagel, cut in half, and soften an ounce or two of
cream cheese. Spread the cream cheese on the bagel halves. Depending on what
veggies are in your fridge, you can use them to decorate your "face." Use
sliced black olives for the eyes, a half-circle slice of cucumber plunged into
the cream cheese so that it sticks up and out for the nose, and a thin slice of
red bell pepper for the smiling mouth. Grated carrot makes funny hair, and
toasted sunflower seeds make funny freckles. You might also make red cheeks
with a cherry tomato sliced in half.
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Supplies:
Paper and pencil
Are your ideas weak? Are you a wussie? Do you lack
confidence and energy, and therefore nobody should pay any attention to you?
No? Well, then, why do you write
that way?
A common writing error is to write
in a passive voice, rather than an active one. Passive writing is indirect,
ambiguous and wordy, while active writing is vigorous, bold and concise.
Which is better:
"There is a whole lot of snow kind
of covering the ground" or "Snow blanketed the ground."
"He liked the painting which was
done by me" or "He liked my painting."
"The whistle of a train could be
heard by us" or "We heard a train whistle."
See how the active phrases - the
second ones - are more direct, shorter and clearer?
Cure yourself of the habit of
starting sentences with "There is" or "There are." That's a red flag of
wordiness and passivity.
Avoid the verb forms of "is" because they're just too
passive and bland.
Also watch out for expressions with the word "by," as in "It
was left by me" instead of "I left it." If you notice that you've written
something in the past tense, and it includes the word "by," then you're
probably in passive mode. Get out of it! Be active!
Last, watch yourself for wordiness;
learn to cut to the chase.
Example: "The next thing we knew, our mistake became
apparent, and the reason was, we had not done what we should have done."
Instead, write: "We goofed."
Now, number from 1 to 5 on your paper, leaving several lines
free, and write a sentence that is totally wordy and passive . . . and then
rewrite it in a healthy, active style.
